A lot of how I pictured stay-at-home motherhood is spot on. I spend tons of time with the kids, do more chores than a monkey flings dung, and am much less stressed than I have been in years. But even more of how I imagined being Henrietta Homemaker is way off the mark—for better and worse.
Myth 1: I'd have more “me” time. Ha! In my “child-free” years, I remember when a good pal of mine traded in her dress flats for flip-flops after having a baby. I asked her about nap times and she said the baby slept two hours in the morning and one more in the afternoon. “So, three hours of spare time!” I concluded, trying not to purse my lips in envy. “Nice!”
That's right; guffaw goes here. There is no “free time.”
While technically nap times are spent alone (at least for me), it's incredibly hard to grab a book and cozy up on the couch unless you have a live-in maid, on-call handyman, personal chef and and part-time back-scratcher. I've actually been jealous of Caillou's mom for pleasure reading—and she's a CARTOON character! In another episode she lies down because she has a cold—slacker!
Honestly, even the most Type B momma would have trouble soaking in bubbles or painting her toenails during every snooze-fest if she wanted to get anything done—even the most mundane things like fetching the mail, eating a sandwich or using the hopper. Little tasks add up, and the next thing you know the great time-suck machine has swooped down from the sky and vacuumed an hour away with an evil roar. Before you can tighten your ponytail and wipe crumbs off your lips, baby is clamoring for some luvin.
In my case, the kids' nap time (if they have one together) is often spent on still-mundane-but-a-step-above-crapping things like unloading the dishwasher, stuffing laundry in drawers, calling a tree service guy (or other home repairman to haul away money one pillowcase full at a time), paying bills, emptying the trash/cat litter/recycle can and exciting stuff like that. Glamorous, I know. Am I complaining? No. Spoken like a true elf: I love chores. Chores are my favorite!
But, really, let's not be a martyr. I make time for blogging (thank you, television), get exercise in during walks, check e-mails and Facebook when I can, see a friend now and then, and most of all, I'm eternally grateful to have this time with my stinky, adorable, demanding, amazing little honey buns.
And don't hate me for this: I also have an ANGEL of a mom who comes up once a week, driving an hour each way, to watch the boys while I do whatever I want. So yep, I need to shut it.
Myth 2: I'd cook home-made feasts all the time, complete with garnishes and candlelight. (Bahahaha!) But you know what? Mashing Play-doh or hitting the park with the boys is more important to me than candying walnuts and zesting limes for a kick-ass recipe. Once in awhile, yes, but a ball of pizza dough with a few toppings goes a long way. Pasta, too. Also: bag o' salad is king! Add some grape tomatoes, Newman's dressing and it's yum-easy-cheap-nutritious!
Now that the weather is nice, I wouldn't mind eating on the deck a few times a week (month, even), but don't let me get carried away. One fantasy at a time.
Myth 3: Everything would be easier (than it actually is). In my naive little mind, I pictured motherhood like life in Pleasantville before knowledge knocked on the door and colored the town red, black and blue. Everything was peaceful, fun and easy-going, and then BAM! Paint explodes all over the walls, the streets, the cat, my muffins.
With two little ones, it's impossible to avoid tantrums, sudden tears at 2 a.m., and big brother sitting on little brother's head now and then. It's gross getting poop under your nails when checking a diaper. It's hard to haul both kids off to an early doc appointment and arrive on time. It's tough getting enough sleep.
So, easy? No, not really. Frustrating? On occasion. But worth it?
Does the diaper pail stink like rotten eggs and vomit? Is a giggling baby not the best sound on earth? Is an unsolicited toddler hug even better than coffee?
Well, that last one is a tie, but you get where I'm going.
It's the trip of a lifetime.
Well said Sista!
ReplyDelete