The Reward Junkie

Goldenrod flanks the roads, candy corn lines grocery shelves, and Boss has skipped through the doors of his first classroom. Fall has arrived.

It took a few steps to get here, though. Summer's big project was potty training, and we were off to a great start two weeks in with pooh in the pot and all. But soon after, Boss had mastered the task and decided to resign. For two long weeks. Been there, done that, got all the stickers he needed, thank you very much.

And the parents? Well, we fretted since preschool lurked sternly around the corner and toilet talent was a must. So we did what most parents (we assured ourselves) would do in our shoes: stepped up the enticements. Good-bye yogurt raisins and stickers; hello toys!

Oh, who's kidding who—along with loads of toys (hand-me-downs for the most part), we still bestowed the stickers and treats, not to mention our wacky dance of praise, making even Elaine Benes look good. We were a little desperate.

Happily, it worked. We offered Boss several more-than-you-should-probably-get toys for pee and poo in the pot, and we got payoff. In fact, he started camping out in the bathroom to earn as many rewards as possible. One day he pooped FIVE times in ONE hour, pushing out baby Tootsie Roll poops, each time demanding a “wonderful surprise.” I was afraid veins would burst with all the grunting. Plus,we were zipping through the pile of Shake 'n Go race cars faster than diarrhea flies through small intestine. (Yes, I did need that nasty visual to make my point.) Our trash bag full of loot was quickly diminishing. We were creating a reward monster!

Our thoughts quickly turned to dollar store crap, I mean treats, to replenish the stash. Then Hot Wheels. Now, a month or two later, we've whittled it down to a fruit treat for pee (if he remembers to ask), and a candy corn/pumpkin for number 2. We've effectively traded good toileting for rotting teeth. I'm not proud.

But all said, I shouldn't complain because we're off to preschool with potty prowess and big boy underpants. We haven't addressed wiping yet (Shhh, don't tell the teacher)—that's up next. That, and keeping the trousers, shoes and socks on while using the loo. For some reason, Boss likes a naked lower half when on the hopper.

For now, I guess the motivations (ha, bribes!) will continue as he whips the finer points of potty time—and other life skills. The definition of “now,” by the way, is “years.” Guess we'll be parking a Pod in the driveway for all the rewards. Wait, that's worse than that diarrhea image. Nooooooooo!

Seriously, though, as Boss learns new abilities, we're learning as well. Mainly, we're reminding ourselves that WE are in control, not Boss, and that removing privileges is as good a motivator as toys.

Hell, it's better! No trip to the junk store, and no batteries required.