Stay-at-home vs. working moms—still a battle or just a crappy sandwich?

The debate between working and stay-at-home moms seems to have gone the way of cloth diapers vs. disposables. It still exists, but diplomacy has (thankfully) quelled the attacks, throwing sand on the fire instead of in each other's eyes—at least when no one is looking. I'm no fool to think it's gone completely, mostly for two reasons—the grass is-always-greener factor and that pesky thing called our insecurity.

As a stay-at-home mom who once worked while Stinker and Boss were in day care, I've seen both sides of the picket fence. As expected, each has pros and cons, with new information popping up regularly to validate or worry moms like me. Recently, for instance, I read that children in day care are significantly less likely to fall behind in language development than stay-at-home kids, thanks to more socializing with peers. Day care kids also get sick more often, but the trade-off is a more robust immune system once they're skipping off to the school bus.

Happily, I've seen enough information on the benefits of working with or without a paycheck (i.e., employed vs. at home with tots) to not fret much one way or the other. And often, there's no choice in the matter. Some stay-at-home moms who want to work can't find a job in this economy to save their sanity. Others would give their right ovary to chuck the briefcase out of the minivan and be home with the kids.

I did once think the latter was the dream life and, don't get me wrong, I'm thrilled to have this chance to bond more with the boys after the Big Layoff—especially after struggling to have kids for six crazy years. But as I posted on Facebook today for 3 minutes before deleting my whine: “Some days are hell, with no pretty little hand basket in sight.” It was nothing too out-of-the ordinary, either: Boss left the screen door open and the cat escaped, then he frolicked in a stagnant fountain, ingesting brackish water and delicious mosquito eggs. Next, he mastered the gate latch in the yard, practiced the general art of fits and defiance, and tormented Stinker A LOT—causing Stinker to shriek A LOT. Oh, and also, I ate four doughnuts.

I wished I was back in the office editing articles about radiology equipment and hunting down docs too busy saving lives to get their promised submissions in by deadline. (I mean really.)

But truth be told, while life with a 1- and 2-year-old can be exasperating, life at work was challenging, too, with a mile-long to-do list, never-ending stress and 4 a.m. insomnia routinely knocking on my pillow. Yep, both pastures have their dandelions—no surprise there.

The thing that does surprise me a little is when people tell me, now that I'm unemployed, that being home is better. Not saying it is or isn't (again, pros and cons), but wouldn't they be a tad embarrassed if I went back to work tomorrow? It's like telling a ditched spouse that she's better off without her husband, only to see them smooching in the driveway a month later. (Foot and egg sandwich, anyone?) I learned that lesson in 7^th grade, when boyfriends lasted four days on average, and circles of friends all dated each other.

Honestly, though, most people mean well. Of course, some are just chomping on that sandwich, oblivious to the egg and toenails decorating their beards and eyebrows. But hey, no worries—that's why we have mirrors and napkins. And more importantly, a sense of humor. Because toenails in eyebrows? All you can do is laugh.